Fuck You Anxiety.
Tonight I ate in a restaurant for the first time in probably the best part of 2 years – and I’m so fucking proud of this that I decided to write something quickly about it.
Having battled with anxiety for the past decade or so, related to my IBS (Irritable Bowel Syndrome) – I have basically become completely fearful of eating out, to the point where I make excuses not to go out for dinner, lunch … WHATEVER. So I set myself a goal at the beginning of this year and that was:
“I want to be able to go out to a restaurant with friends without feeling anxious, or getting sick whilst I’m there…”
And tonight, I did it.
Most people take eating out in a restaurant with friends or family for granted, right? You go out, you enjoy a good meal and wine with great company and chat and you don’t even give it a second thought… For me – this is MASSIVE. It requires DAYS of preparing myself in my head!
Anxiety took me from someone who ate out pretty much EVERY week TWICE a week, to someone so anxious about getting sick in public that even stepping foot outside the house was a challenge.
My journey over the past 3 months has consisted of the fucking biggest ups and downs imaginable – but tonight, I ATE IN A RESTAURAAAAANNNNTTT – and what’s even more awesome, I didn’t even THINK about it. I wasn’t feeling fearful or anxious, not even a little tiny bit. I know I still have a long way to go on my journey to health but to have achieved this goal that I set in January is absolutely HUGE for me.
No matter HOW shit you feel, and no matter how much you think that things will never get better – please please PLEASE trust me when I say that if you commit to getting better – it WILL happen. I couldn’t have done this alone and I have a lot of people to thank for their help. They know who they are.
Next step for me…. face my fear of getting on a bus. No idea what bus or where it’s going though… preferably somewhere with sunshine and blue skies, because that makes me happy.
Give anxiety the middle finger because it doesn’t need to rule your life.